It’s 9:30 and I hear the washing machine clunking in the laundry room behind the wall where our bed is.
I ask,”Are you doing laundry?” But then restated my question before he could answer because what what I rally wanted to know was,”Do you have a full load in the washer?”.
That one question started an avalanche of insults and put-downs:
Him: “I have two pair of jeans and a sweater and a few other things. Is that enough for a load?”
The washer was just finished with the cycle so he brought the load of wet clothing onto the bed and said is that enough for a load of laundry?
With honesty I replied no. It takes electricity and hot water, which we have to pay for, so it would be wise to wait until there is a full load to wash clothing.
Then it started:
“I am not going to feel guilty for washing my own clothes and having clean clothes to wear.
When things get back to normal and I can have a closet with all of my clothes and it then I will wait until I have a full load of laundry to do but for now I need clean clothes to wear every day.” (Which is not entirely true because he has a place to hang his clothes, he just chooses not to.)
“It’s petty. If you want to grind on somebody then go grind on somebody else but I’m not going to take this.
You’d probably like for me to wear dirty clothes. Your disgusting-ass bus driver husband, that you’re not proud of, walking around with dirty, filthy clothes.
Go upstairs to sleep.
It’s petty. And I don’t have time to write down every petty thing that you do to me to show a third party how horrible I am.
And to think that I was going to ask you to make love to me tonight.”
There were other things that were said but I cannot recall it all. I lay in silence holding back the tears.
Then after a few moments of pause, I leaned up and looked at him and said that this is the problem. I cannot say hardly anything without him becoming defensive.
He repeated his stance in that if he wanted to do laundry every night then he was going to do laundry every night so that he could have clean clothes.
I say nothing.
I thought it was over but then after a few moments he gets up and starts stomping around the room saying how he cannot believe I would say something like that to him. And then went on to repeat himself again about how he was not going to feel guilty and be made to feel like crap for washing his own clothes.
I had been playing Words with Friends in bed while he was watching TV. I put my phone down and rolled over so that I could cry silently and go to sleep.
He said good night in a condescending tone and then forcefully gave me a kiss.
During the middle of the night I woke to find him groping my crotch. This has been a repetitive behavior also – initiating sex in the middle of the night when I’m fast asleep. I do not like it and he knows it. I woke from my slumber and asked what is going on here? And then pushed him away.
Does he really think that after he has spoken to me like he did, and especially after yesterday, that I want to have sex with him? I feel used and trashy when I do give in and I just can’t continue tondo that to myself.