9:15pm – It’s Christmas Eve night and Matt is in bed.
Not a single present had been wrapped. The tree had not been decorated. He did put it in the stand. While I was in the shower, Carson, who is eight, tried to put the lights on and there were no lights on the top 3 feet of the tree. Matt must’ve already gone to bed by then. So bless his heart for trying but we had to removed the tangled mess from the tree and start over.

Disengaged. Every year at Christmas I go through this frustration. I used to ask him to go shopping with me. Matt doesn’t do that and has no clue what the kids got until Christmas morning when they open their stuff. I think there was one year he helped me wrap on Christmas eve night. I can’t remember but maybe last year since I was moving out after Christmas and he was on his best behavior.

My mom went to church with us and is staying the night. My aunt called around 8:30 and her family had already gone home so she came over and is staying the night too. We put some Christmas music on and decorated the tree with the kids in our pajamas. Everybody had red pajamas on except for me so I started searching to see if I had a pair of red ones. Matt woke from his slumber and asked if we were all going to be taking a picture together and if I bought him some red pajamas. Ella was helping me look for mine because they were boxed up and in my room. I was rather short with my responses to Matt. As he kept asking questions is Ella finally said, “quit being so paranoid”.
When an 11-year-old observes and picks up on that you know it’s bad.

I was up until 3:30 wrapping and setting out Santa stuff. Christmas morning the kids woke up at 6:30 and we opened gifts. I prepared stockings for everyone, myself included. Mom and my aunt left after I packed overnight bags for the younger three. By 9:00 he was asleep again. In the meantime I wrapped the gifts to take for the afternoon Christmas, made a side dish, and hauled the mattress and box springs out to the trailer. At 11:45 he woke up and said that he guessed he’d better get up since it was almost noon.


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