8:30 am and I’m in the bathroom getting ready for after-Christmas shopping with Ella.
Him: Are you up?
Him: What time are you going to be home? Are you going to be gone all day?
Him: Why you do you have answer every question like you’re reading a script?
Me: I’m answering your questions. Why do you want me to say?
Him: Are you going to get me anything today?
Me: Probably not.
Him: Do you think I need anything?
Him: Are you going to ask me if I need anything?
Me: OK, Matt, do you need anything?
He pauses trying to think of something.
Me: the whole world does not revolve around you Matt. Everything does not have to center around you and your needs.
Him: Are you going to get anything for yourself?
Me: I doubt it.
Him: I’m going with you.
Me: No, Matt, no way.
Him: I’m not staying here all day and having you come home to be dissatisfied for getting nothing done around here.
Me: Oh, that is the real reason you want to go so that you don’t have to do anything around the house.
Him: I’m going with you.
Me: You don’t even like to shop. It’d be different if you enjoyed it but you’re just wanting to go out of spite. I’m not going to have you rushing me. Plus all you do is sit in the car or on the couches and wait, you don’t enjoy it at all.
Him: You’re going to spend OUR money so in going with you.
Me: (by now I’m sobbing) Nooooo, Matt, please. Ella and I want to have an enjoyable day and you’re trying to ruin it.
Him: I don’t want to go shopping. I want you to quit treating me like a dog.
Me: What? You started in on me! I didn’t do anything to start all this.
Him: I’m going!!
Ella: Dad, don’t go. Nobody wants to be around you when you’re acting like this.
He is scurrying to get his clothes on and I motion to Ella and we ran to the truck and leave. I fully expected him to be sitting at Macy’s when we got there.
This is one of those mornings where I’m left dumbfounded thinking where did I go so wrong?
And what may seem like semi-normal conversations in writing, are awful interactions because of his tone of voice. There is a hateful, spiteful, accusatory tone when speaking to me. I can sense a brutal badgering coming on by the tone in his voice.
About a half hour later he started calling. I was on the phone with mom so I didn’t click over. The third time he called I ended the call with mom and answered. He asked about how long the turkey had to thaw for our family get together on Saturday. I told him so he was going to go buy it.
The next time he called he asked me to look for a gray suit for him if I could find a good deal on one. Just like everything is normal.
So I knew I’d better show up with one.
Later he called to tell me he’d bought the turkey. I told him I got his suit. Apparently that wasn’t enough because them he said, “another thing I need is some white shirts that fit me”.
Around 3:00 he called to tell me that his friend needed him to take his trailer out to his mom’s house and he picked up a huge load of stuff that’ve had to take out to his house. At some point he did go to urgent care. After coughing and hacking for eight weeks, plus testing positive for influenza A the week of Thanksgiving, he finally went to the doctor yesterday and has pneumonia/bronchitis. Now the “I’m sick” mode is really kicking in. I’ve asked him to go to the doctor for weeks and he wouldn’t do it. One day I gave him some medicine for the coughing and he asked if that was for him or really for me. It took me a bit to get it. But then we had a laugh about it. Then in counseling he brought it up and accused me of always having a notice behind things I did. Well. That is sure going to squelch my random kindness, what little I had left anyway. Today leaving for a family get together he took a huge swig of NyQuil out of the bottle. I’m so disgusted by things like this There is DayQuil upstairs I tell him. His reply is that is the only thing that helps his cough. I tell him it is going to make him tired and we’re going to a family get together. We’ve driven am hour and a half and he has coughed the whole way. Lot of good the NyQuil did.
Today he will be decent until we get home.
I want off the roller coaster.