The Day After

Today I feel weepy.

It’s the aftermath of his ‘talk’ with me last night. I feel berated, belittled and torn down. He brought up issues, hurts, wrongs and regrets from years ago that do no good to bring up again.

“You were a horrible alcoholic when we met. You only had a couple months sobriety when I asked you to marry me and do you know what my mom told me when I said we were getting married? She told me not to marry you.
I don’t know know why you never could get along with her. ”

That was in 2001. His mom passed away last year. Why bring up hurtful words like this again?

He kept pressing and kept pressing bringing up more things about his mom; and admitting that she was very difficult to get along with.

I finally spouted off: “I had no respect for her because she let her friend’s son molest you and did absolutely nothing about it when you told her about it. And you brought that into our marriage and you’ve never healed from that.”

I do not like who I’ve become around him. I don’t like being prodded with insults and having to beg him to stop to no avail. I get pushed to the point that I try to combat his words but words are his weapon and I only end up confused and saying things I regret I would rather not say anything at all but the questioning is incessant.

A wife should not feel wounded the next day after a ‘talk’ with her husband.

And so it continues. The tightened chest, the crying, the regret, the feeling of entrapment.

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