Still

Feeling really low tonight.

Reading the heartache of the women in my group of women who are in difficult marriages is just too overwhelming sometimes. I sometimes catch myself thinking, “gosh, what a jerk her husband is” or “why can’t he just make an effort to get along with her”. But then the reality is that my story is just like their stories. Time and time again I could easily be the one they’re talking about.

There are only a couple of wives whose husbands have had a change of heart and have committed to truly do the work.

There have been a few who have separated. Those women mourn over the loss of a good marriage that likely never existed. Their hearts ache from the years gone by. Their voices cry out to Abba to help them deal with the loneliness and guilt. Their prayers are said often to help them, their children and their ex-husbands. Their heart and souls are wounded deeply.

And still yet there are the rest of us. Still confused. Still stuck. Still feeling trapped. Still hopeful that “maybe this time will be different”. Still trying to shield our kids from the toxicity in our homes. Still yearning to be loved and cherished. Still holding on to ‘the dream’. Still waiting to hear from God. Still reading scripture. Still praying for courage, clarity and wisdom.

Still here we are.

And here I am. Still.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

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